Every now and then, my friends and colleagues share real life legal tales that not only make you laugh, but they provide a different lens for looking at the legal profession, how we handle cases, how we interact with the public, and how the public feels about lawyers. In this first edition of The Funnies, we have the tale of Juror No. 5. This was a hand-written letter that a juror in a trial supposedly sent to the judge seeking relief. It reads:
I am tired of spending day after day wasting my time listening to this bullcrap. This is cruel and unusual punishment. The Plaintiff is an idiot. He has no case. Why are we here? I think my cat could better answer these questions…and he wouldn’t keep asking to see a document. I’ve been patient. I’ve sat in these chairs for 7 days going now. If I believed for a second this going to end on Thursday I might not go crazy.
This is going to last for another 4 weeks. I cannot take this. I hate these lawyers and prayed one would die so the case would end. I shouldn’t be on this jury. I want to die. I don’t want to be thanked for my patience. I want to die!! Well not die for real but that is how I feel sitting here. I am the Judge, you’ve said that over and over, well I am not fair and balanced. I hate the Plaintiff. His ignorance is driving me crazy. I know I’m writing this in vain but I have to do something…for my sanity. These jury chairs should come with a straight jacket. An entire day today and we are still on the same witness. The defense hasn’t even started yet and we have 3 days left. 3 days my ass. Not that the defense needs a turn considering the Plaintiff and his lawyer (who looks like The Penguin) have no case!!! Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Please keep the Disorderlies nearby. I may need them
This is an extreme (and funny) example, but it’s also a good education for trial lawyers on how much the jury is judging the advocate as well as the case. I have a copy of the actual letter if you are interested.
–Posted by Jerry